The Sacred Forest Whispers
by FlightAngel
Summary: The Naruto cast are all settled down, married, and have kids. But things are far from over: The Aburame house is haunted, Neji's pregnant, Gaara's gone missing, and Kyuubi is starting to take control! Mpreg Yaoi Gaanaru Shikaino others you figure out
1. Sacred

**The Sacred Forest Whispers**

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_By Flight_

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Disclaimer: Dude if I wrote this, why would it be on Anyways, Naruto does not belong to me blah blah blah but THIS STORY DOES! TAKE THIS STORY AND YOU **DIE! **Thank you.

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"I'm Pregnant."

Taka's eyes bulged out of his sockets.

Yes, it wasn't just _pregnant. _It was _Pregnant._ With a capital 'P'. He felt all desire to eat the bento box in front of him drain away completely as fast as the color drained out of his face.

The family was silent for approximately five minutes, with Miki making odd growling noises as she played with her food. The way his father was looking intently at them, this was definitely not a joke. Finally, the little girl looked up and squinted.

"…Daddy, men can't get pregnant."

Taka made a note that his mother looked ready to take a kunai and stab it into his father. Many, many times. Until he was a bloody mess on the floor. Which she would never do because his father was a much better ninja her.

Fortunately, his father was a smart, smart man. He got up, took his bento box and headed upstairs.

"Where do you think you're going?" His mother hissed through gritted teeth. His father stopped and turned around, pale eyes glaring so deeply through his mother that everyone in the room could instantly feel the temperature drop below zero. His father was probably imagining their mother frozen into an ice cube and him hacking away at her, breaking her into tiny, tiny bits…

"Dear," He said with as much contempt as he could fit into that one word, "It is common knowledge that you and I've already planned for a divorce for over six months. It's no big deal." Then he turned back to the stairs and quietly ascended above.

The rest of lunch was silent and comfortable. Miki was still trying to figure out how men could get pregnant. Taka growled and jabbed his food.

_Yeah, Dad, but that doesn't mean you could get yourself pregnant!_

_+------------------+_

"Your dad's pregnant?" Kizune paused in her swinging for a little and looked thoughtfully in the air for a minute. Taka held his breath for her reaction. Disgust? Disbelief? Horror? She opened her mouth. "…so?" She resumed her kunai swinging. Taka's jaw dropped to the ground.

"… _Doesn't that strike you as ODD!"_

Kizune stopped her swinging long enough to say, "Taka, you're talking to a girl who's parents are not only two MALE raving, homicidal demons but are also the lords of their respective countries who are responsible for _everything that goes on in their territory_ while everyone who personally knows them both know they're completely and absolutely INSANE. _NO_ I do not find your father odd. I mean, it makes sense doesn't it? He's almost thirty-six and he's still pretty hot."

Taka blanched at the idea of Kizune thinking his father's _hot_. I mean, teenagers just don't _think _of their friend's parents that way.

But, if he stopped and thought about it for a while, it made sense.

Father was pretty hot. Or cute, depending on what era you came from. He didn't have any of the tell-tale wrinkles that came from middle-age. He brushed his (long, silky and flowing) hair back every day so it wasn't messy. He took a shower twice, once in the morning, once at night. He was well-toned and lean from being a ninja. Any girl (or guy, for the record since it was his _father_ that had gotten himself knocked up) would die to spend a night with him, despite his age.

"Yeah," He mumbled under his breath as he took a shuriken and half-heartedly threw it at the stupid red and white dummy they were practicing on, "But it's still _weird_."

Daisuke, their other teammate (who is easy to lose because he's so quiet without his twin brother that you just don't notice him and when he's actually gone you don't know until thirty minutes later) scrunched up his nose and finally joined into the conversation. "Pregnancy aside, shouldn't you be wondering _who_ got him pregnant in the first place?"

Taka immediately turned white.

Goodness, he did _not_ want to know (or imagine) what kind of _man_ his father had been fooling around with. Actually, if he thought about it, his father was too stiff and serious to imagine _fooling around_ with anybody… but still… who!

He tried to think back on all the days his mother was not home. No can do. His family was pretty tight. There wouldn't have been any time for his father to /ahem/_ make love_ with anyone without his mother knowing. And from her reaction yesterday, she _definitely did not know._ His train of thought took another route. Who said that his father _did it_ at his house? Maybe… wait… the only time his mother didn't get to see his father was when…

"OH MY GOSH!" Taka suddenly screamed, hands in his hair, "HE DID IT ON A MISSION!"

"…Taka…" Shika-sensei growled at him as he woke up from his afternoon nap, "Shut up. Get your nose out of your father's love life. And if you actually use your brain, you'd know who he slept with. _I _know. I'm pretty sure Naruto knows. And about anyone in all of Konoha if you told them about it. Which you better not. Or _he'd_ get mad. So just shut up." And with that, their (lazy) sensei fell back into his slumber.

Daisuke stared at the sleeping adult and scratched his nose thoughtfully. It was a habit. A bad one. Kizune would constantly tease him about it, but he never replied. "Well, I guess we really shouldn't be worrying about it. We have to train, after all."

"Oh, screw training!" Taka growled as he flopped onto the grass, moaning, "My father's pregnant for goodness' sake!"

"We know," Kizune said dryly.

_+------------------+_

Because he wouldn't stop whining and he really didn't want to go home, Taka finally made Kizune annoyed enough to invite him (and Daisuke, who Kizune wouldn't leave out for _anything_) to her house. For dinner. Which was made by Kizune's mom. Who was _THE_ Food Goddess Of Konoha. Or God. With all capitals, of course. Just the smell alone made his mouth water.

Daisuke sighed and slumped on Kizune's couch. It was a leather couch. A _red_ leather couch. With the big kanji character 'wind' printed on the arm-rests. Despite the treason, the couch was pretty comfy. Wait, why was he thinking about Kizune's _couch_?

"Dai-chan!" Kizune popped her head into the living room, "Do you like sweet-and-sour chicken or ramen better?" Taka, who was staring intently at the show playing on the television, slumped. Kizune never asked _him_ what he liked to eat. But then, _anything_ made by Naruto-sensei really good. He'd even eat some pork buns (which he hated) if they were made by Naruto-sensei. That was because Naruto-sensei was a good cook. A really good cook. He told you that already, right? Yeah, he's just reminding you. Because Naruto-sensei is such a good cook. Ok, he'll stop now.

"Mm… I like sweet-and-sour chicken… in my ramen." Daisuke replied. Taka face-faulted. Who ate sweet-and-sour chicken with _ramen_!

But Kizune, who had a sort-of-not-really crush on the Aburame boy, clapped her hands and said, "Ok, MOM! Dai-chan said he likes them both! What? You already made them both anyways? That's _great_!"

Taka looked back at his TV show. It was some stupid puppet thing with one guy acting out the awesome genius Sharingan-Kakashi battling the evil Sasuke. Here's the dialogue for said stupid puppet show, just for the record.

_Sharingan-Kakashi: Sasuke. You were my student but you betrayed me!_

_Evil Sasuke: HAHAHAHA! I was NEVER your student! I was always evil!_

_Sharingan-Kakashi: (gasp) NO!_

_Evil Sasuke: YES!_

_Sharingan-Kakashi: Than… I will have to KILL you!_

_Evil Sasuke: I'd like to see you try!  
_

_(Sharingan-Kakashi and Evil Sasuke 'fight' for a bit. Aka bang puppets together in this weird, perverted way. Er, moving on…)_

_Sharingan-Kakashi: (lying on floor, defeated) I… am defeated._

_Evil Sasuke: BWAHAHAHA! I AM THE MOST POWERFUL NINJA IN THE WORLD!_

_(Super-hero music suddenly starts in the background. Five new puppets pop up)_

_Puppet Number 1: Stop in the name of the Hokage! Uchiha Sasuke!_

_Sasuke: Ha! The Elite ANBU squad? BRING IT ON!_

_(---------BLEEP---------)_

(At this point Taka has turned off the TV in its stupid-ness and has joined the Sabaku family to a…. er, 'normal' dinner…)

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The food was _awesome_. Just as he expected, from The Food God(dess) Of Konoha. There was sweet-and-sour chicken, some plain ramen, beef strips, lettuce and other things to eat your ramen with. In other words, it was sort of like a 'personalize your ramen' dinner. Daisuke, though he never really talked on the outside, generously helped himself to a large scoop of ramen.

All was going well except for one thing…

The head of the house was missing.

As in, the 'father' of the household was not there.

At the table.

And no one could eat without the father of the house coming down and declaring 'It is ready to eat'.

Which he couldn't do, because he wasn't there.

So everyone had to wait.

And wait.

And wait.

And wait just a little bit longer…

"SABUKU NO GAARA WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING UP THERE! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT OR I'M MOVING TO SAKURA'S HOUSE FOR TWO MONTHS, YOU HEAR ME! AND NO ME MEANS NO FOOD, NO MASSAGE AND NO SLEEP SO GET DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT! OLD MAN!" (for those who did not get the joke, mothers usually say 'young man' when they're talking to their teenage sons, but as Gaara is not exactly young anymore; Naruto can't call him young man, therefore resorting to call him 'old')

Taka swore he could hear the echo bouncing around the house.

Kizune winced. "I bet one on three Mom and Dad are going to have another fight… again…" She whispered to Daisuke, who just nodded. Taka seethed. Why didn't she whisper to _him_? At least he'd answer!

But to him, Kizune was lucky. No matter how many times Naruto and Gaara literally almost kill each other in their ninja-battles (aka 'fights') he knew they'd probably never even thought of divorcing.

_His_ parents never liked each other from the start. In actuality, his father felt so little emotion towards his mother that he just simply didn't care what she was doing. She spilled hot soup on herself? So? She's sleeping around with another man? Who cares? She wants to divorce me? GOOD!

Taka growled as he remembered the constant fight/ignore glances that were exchanged in his household. He was pretty depressed that his parents were divorcing, but _please!_ Its way better off if his parents were happy separate than it they were unhappy together. But there was that huge pregnancy issue… argh! Taka mentally berated himself in the head. Stop thinking about that! Stop thinking about WHO he had done it with, WHEN he had done it with and most importantly HOW it was all possible!

Shoot, he was thinking about it!

"…Hey, Taka, if you're not going to eat that piece of beef, can I have it?"

Taka snapped out of his reverie to look at Kizune intently staring at his piece of beef. "Er, no, I was just going to eat it…" He looked up and realized he's just missed a couple of events in his thinking. Gaara-san had finally come downstairs. Wearing nothing but some red long pants. Of course, this got Naruto-sensei pretty mad and he made the Kazekage go back upstairs and change, which took another ten minutes. When he came back downstairs, Naruto yelled at him for another five minutes before Gaara finally blessed the food and allowed them to eat. Which was good, since Taka was _starving_.

He liked going over Kizune's house. Ok, so maybe her family life was pretty much as weird as his; her parent's were both guys who had been forced into marriage. They were both demons. They were both the Lords of their Countries and could probably fight in a battle against each other for two weeks straight, if the other ninjas let them. But even so, the way they argued (ok, so maybe Naruto did most of the arguing, he argued enough for two people) sounded amazingly normal to the silence his parents gave to each other over dinner.

"—And then we were like, 'Hey Neji, ya want some sake!' and he just turned around and _glared_ at us with that damn Hyuuga glare and was like 'No Thank You' with all capitals and we were like, 'dude, lighten up!' But he'd been acting bitchy all week I think something's wrong with him and—"

"Naruto if don't stop talking for more than second, you'll choke on your ramen."

"—thank you _very much_ oh-almighty-Kazekage… anyways, so we just shrugged and drank the _whole bottle_ and of course we didn't let Lee have any since he goes deranged every time he has some but seriously, something's really wrong with Neji he's been giving us a bunch of stupid orders that don't make any sense, maybe the divorce is getting to his head? You know he's getting divorced from Tenten right, I mean they weren't BUILT for each other anyways, and so maybe that's why he's acting all funny? I can't place it he's been kind of emotional and I don't know what's wrong with him and hey wait a minute, Taka, you're his son, what's wrong with him!"

Taka looked up, confused, into Naruto-sensei's face. It was a well-known fact that the when the Hokage got excited he talked so fast almost _no one_ could hear him, so Taka had a right to be confused.

"…huh?"

"Taka, Mom just asked you what's wrong with your dad." Kizune explained wearily.

Taka, who was still in a daze, just stared at Naruto-sensei and said, "Dad? Oh, he's pregnant."

There was a silence so deep that you could actually hear the pet fox, Kitchi, scratching herself behind her ear in the backyard. Then, Naruto leaned back in his chair and laughed. "HAHAHAHAHA! Taka, that's real funny! Where'd you come up with this stuff?"

Taka just blinked.

Still laughing, Naruto leaned forward again and said, "So what's the real reason?"

Gaara turned around and glared at the blonde, "…Naruto, I don't think he was joking."

Naruto stopped laughing. "…eh!" He leaned forward, "Neji's really pregnant! But—but… that's impossible! Men can't get pregnant!"

There was even more silence after that.

Kizune looked at her mother. "Mom…"

Gaara rolled his eyes, "Hypocrite."

Naruto's face turned red.

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!"

Daisuke continued to slurp his ramen…

_+------------------+_

"…so do you have morning sickness?"

Taka was trying to make some light talk. His father, the almighty, all-knowing, Hyuuga Neji, could definitely see through such a fake and phony attempt.

"…No."

Taka sat awkwardly in a large brown (probably leather) chair, which had been dragged from his dusty corner right next to his father's more comfortable standard wooden one. This was his father's study, and even then Hyuuga Neji would always find a way to make all his scrolls and notes, annoyingly and tediously _neat_. It drove Taka crazy how neat everything was.

"…Do you want to talk to me about something?"

Taka growled as he plopped his chin onto the desk. Neji's eyes flickered once down at him before returning to his note-taking. It was at this position that Taka could get a good glimpse at his father's profile.

Handsome, but stiff. No wrinkles, but when the light shines the right way into his eyes, you can see a small sparkle that screams 'I've lived longer than you and I know it so don't you dare argue with me mister' every time you spot it. His hair was pulled back in the standard Hyuuga way (this is the reason why Taka cut his hair. He hated looking geeky with his hair pulled back all the time, so one day he just rummaged through his weapon holster, took out a kunai, and chopped all the hair off. Of course, Neji was pretty pissed off about it for a while and spent the whole afternoon straightening out his hair so it was at least presentable) but he wasn't wearing his ninja headband.

Neji was completely ignoring him.

Taka pouted.

Neji continued to scribble notes onto that stupid note-scroll.

Taka glared.

Neji put his brush down and took off his glasses. Wait, he was wearing glasses!

"Taka, what do you want?" Taka's brain finally started to function. Of course his father has glasses. Not that 'oh-my-gosh-I-can't-see-anything' kind, but the 'I'm-too-lazy-to-use-my-eyes-so-I-have-to-use-glasses' kind. It was a Hyuuga thing. Something about, if you spend less time using your eyes for something like reading or writing, then you'll have more energy to use your Byakugen in battle or something like that.

"It's just that… um… well, you're the head of the elite ANBU unit, right? So what are you going to do… in your… um…"

"Condition?"

"Er, yeah!"

Neji stared at him with this look that screamed 'you are _my_ son! Did you inherit Tenten's genes in the gene pool?' Neji made this weird 'tch' noise in the back of his throat. You see, Taka always wanted to make that 'tch' noise. He's tried to ever since he was a kid, but he only managed to make this weird growling noise. Thus, whenever he's annoyed, he _growls_. But back to Neji 'tch'ing.

"That is my problem, not yours. And it's ten. Isn't it past your bedtime?" Taka glowered at his father as he got up and headed for the door. He _hated_ it when Neji unleashed the bedtime thing. Sure, he had a bedtime, but he never followed it and Neji really didn't care unless they were in an argument (or a 'special occasion'. Or an emergency. Or when his father really didn't feel like answering his stupid questions and wanted him to shut up, which is likely the case here).

'Hmph…' Taka growled to himself (you see? Growling. Not 'tch'ing. _Growling_), "…hate it when Dad's being a smartass…"

Neji leaned back in his chair and said, in perfect monotone, "I heard that."

_+------------------+_

Daisuke was probably the happiest boy in the world at that moment. He and his twin brother, Daike, were going on vacation! To visit some far-away aunt in the Hidden Rock Village or something, but still, Daisuke was _happy._

There were many reasons why he was happy. One, he got to spend time with his twin brother, which he almost never did anymore due to them both being on different teams. Two, he could finally relax after months of brutal training that never did them any good as the Chuunin exams were, like, five months away. Three, he got to be far, far away from, f-from that _Hyuuga_ boy.

I mean, it's not like he_ hates_ Taka or anything. He just… dislikes him. Because he makes him feel all funny and squishy inside. And feeling funny and squishy makes him really worry about his bugs and what's wrong with them. Maybe they're allergic to Taka? Ok, maybe that was a really stupid conclusion. But anyways, the Aburame twins were going on a _vacation_.

And four, on with the why-Dai-chan-is-happy list, is that they won't have to listen to The Ghost. Daisuke and Daike never talked about The Ghost anymore. No one believed them anyways, not even their mother, who thought they were pulling some stupid prank. But besides that point, the twins were happy they were going away. Really.

Ok, so maybe Daisuke would miss his team a little.

C'mon, with people like that, they grow on him. Seriously. He didn't just miss one person.

One person in particular.

Who had tussled, short brown hair that shown in the sunlight.

And flickered gold, occasionally.

And the darkest chocolate eyes ever which you can just stare into. Along with a fine straight nose that screamed 'nobility!' and small pouting lips stained a little red that hardly moved when talking and totally contrasted against that real sexy white complexion--

…

Shit.

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Author's Notes: Ok, so maybe it's a little cliché, Naruto's Second Generation after all, but c'mon! I wanted to give it a shot! R/R PLEASE! I'll even give you people a cookie. Thanks!


	2. The Explosive: Page 1

_The Sacred Forest Whispers_

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By Flight

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Disclaimer: Dude if I wrote this, why would it be on ffnet! Anyways, Naruto does not belong to me blah blah blah but THIS STORY DOES! TAKE THIS STORY AND YOU **DIE! **Thank you.

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**The Explosive**

_(The life and story of Hyuuga Taka)_

Dad, if you are reading this, PISS OFF

**September 3rd, **

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It's school again! I HATE school! What's the point of learning about how the kunai is most effective when cutting the tendons in your neck and how that pointed/curved shuriken is supposed to be used for nailing your opponent in place? _My family doesn't even USE that kind of information!_ Hello-! We are Hyuugas! We fight by poking people! It's not like we take a kunai and actually _stab_ it into someone, unless we're desperate. Jeez. Stupid school.

Well, since its school, I got to see some people that I've known since childhood. I mean, its not like we're friends or anything, we just _know_ each other. Ok, I'm looking at people who actually _passed_ last year. Let's see… there's Inuzuka Kaede (she passed?) with her annoying dog, Fu. I don't know why it's called Fu. Fu? Fu. Fu! Fu, fu, fu! FU! It's some weird word that is-fun-but-is-not-a-name. Did I mention Fu's this black little Labrador puppy? It sits in the inside of Kaede's jacket and reeks of _dog_. Ugh.

There's also Kuniwara. We talk on occasions, and don't mind being paired up in teams in class. He's kind of lazy though—he stays awake in class enough to barely pass all his tests and is either zoning out or sleeping every time else.

Now I'm looking at people I know pretty well.

Sabaku no Kizune is here, on the dot, bright as ever! …yeah right. She looks kind of bored, sprawled all over her desk, blonde hair everywhere. Kizune has the longest hair _ever_. I'm not sure if she cut it once in her _life_. She ties the right part of her hair up in this cascade of looping circles pinned back with this pretty green brooch her mom gave her for her birthday some time ago. She's not looking at me. Does she even know I'm here?

And, of course, we could never miss the Aburame twins, Daisuke and Daike. They're both pretty much identical, except for the color of their sunglasses. Daisuke wears blue-tinted sunglasses while Daike wears brown-tined ones. Their hair is this dirty blonde color that sort of shouts 'playful' even if that's totally different from their real personalities. Together, they do cause a ruckus. They interrupt the class whenever they feel like making a snide comment and they completely ignore the teacher if they deem it necessary.

Luckily, they're not a menace when their separated though.

/phew/

Shoot, Hiro-sensei saw my diary! Got to hide! Write back later.

**September 12th,**

FOUND IT! Sorry, Dad hid my diary somewhere in the house and I've been spending all last week looking for it (stupid Dad, I knew he was going to look through my diary!). Of course, there is no evidence that it was Dad who did the deed, but he's the most likely (Mom wouldn't touch my 'personal' things and Miki's too short to grab the diary from my top shelf).

We had this stupid teamwork activity in class today where we have to pair up with someone and walk across this tightrope together over a rushing stream. I picked Kuniwara, of course, and damn it was _hard_. I kept on slipping and pushing both of us into the water and the whole class would laugh real hard since I was pretty bad at swimming and would always panic and grab onto the first thing I saw. Who was Kuniwara. Who would yell at me for almost drowning him, no matter _how_ hard I apologize.

I'm getting water all over this paper…

Let's hope Dad doesn't hide my diary this time.

**October 24th**

Hey its almost twelve at night and I can't believe I'm writing this. I haven't written in this for a freakin' month for goodness' sake! Because it's almost positive Dad would try to take a peek. But I don't care now. I need to write this down _now_ for future reference.

So today my parents hosted a party and _everybody_ came. Kuniwara's family, Kizune and her mother, the Inuzukas, Haruno-san, Lee-ojisan, and more people who-I-do-not-know were all there. It went smoothly at first, we children playing all the usual party games while the adults just sat at the kitchen table and talked. It seems they were all great-time buddies every since they were little because they went on so many ninja missions together and blah blah blah blah whatever.

It didn't really get interesting until the adults decided to play a drinking game. For good reference, this is how they sat. Dad sat closest to the wall. On the left, was Mom and on the right was Lee-ojisan. Next to Mom was Inuzuka-san sitting next to his wife. Uzamaki-san sat in-between Kaede's mom and Kuniwara's dad, who was sitting next to his wife. Nara-san, then, was sitting next to Haruno-san who was uncomfortably squeezed in next to Lee-ojisan. All the other (unimportant I-cannot-remember-their-names) adults had already left, leaving the 'inner circle'.

I have no idea how the drinking game went, except they talked for a while, than someone drank, than they talked again. Then someone had to do something weird, like sing a song or dance or _something_, than they got to sit down and point at a person, who had to then drink from his or her cup. It went on for quite a while and I saw some things I didn't want to see (like Uzamaki-san's boxers… which were orange) in the process. The other kids were looking too, and after a while it got clear who could hold their drink and who couldn't.

Haruno-san had already gotten drunk long before and was giggling quietly with Kuniwara's mother, who was just about as stoned as she was. Lee-ojisan, who wasn't allowed to drink because of reasons I cannot speak of, cracked up at the sight of all his friends all drunk and dozing. Inuzuka-san had started to sing really rude and inappropriate bar songs, which his wife couldn't stop because she was dead asleep at the table, while Mom just sat there looking kind of tipsy but not all-the-way-there. Nara-san had fallen asleep and I really couldn't tell if he was drunk or not. Dad, though, was a different matter.

His face was the sort of drunk-red and he kept on hiccupping, like a little kid. Sometimes he'd mutter something under his breath then giggle to himself. Finally, when he started to doze off, he leaned up against Lee-ojisan and fell asleep. Of course, Lee-ojisan _definitely_ started laughing at this, but not too hard otherwise Dad would wake up and probably jab him in a chakra point and render him immobile for the rest of the week.

Finally, when almost everyone was asleep, Lee woke up the other guests and harried them out of the living room. I said good bye to all my friends /cough/ and had the amusement of seeing my parents go up the stairs. But not together. It was kind of sad, how they were going up on the same time but refused to lean on each other.

**October 31st**

Halloween! ARGH! I am a NINJA! Ha, I really am a ninja. Get it? Get it?

…

You don't get it! Whatever! Anyways, we went trick-or-treating today! Kizune was absolutely _adorable_ in her angel outfit! Her Aunt Temari had helped her make it and it had frills and cuts where you could see her curves and—yeah, I'll stop now. For some reason she dragged the Aburame twins with us. I think she has a crush on Daisuke (the one wearing the blue glasses, remember?) Argh! I hate them!

But that besides, Dad was being all bitchy and said we needed a parent following us but damn it if it was him! So we had to go looking around for a parent helper and _finally_ Lee-ojisan decided to go with us (yes!) so we all went trick-or-treating. Of course, Lee-ojisan was dressed in this dorky turtle outfit, but hey, we all love him so we forgave him for looking stupid.

Anyways, we got all this candy but afterwards Dad made me share with Miki. Mom sided with Dad for once and I had to hand over 'half' of my candy (I swear Miki took more than half! I hate little sisters, too!) And she took all the good ones too, because she looked at the candy with her Byakugen to see if the chocolate was runny or not. Another reason why I hate her!

Anyways, I'm kind of candy-high right now since, after calling Kizune, I just gulped down, like, four pounds of candy. I feel funny in the head.

**November 5th**

I woke up today with an ear-splitting headache. I didn't know what was wrong with me but when I tried to get out of my futon, everything just _tipped_. I couldn't even walk straight, and I kept falling down like I was drunk or something. Every step I took, my mind felt like it was banging against the inside of my skull. Dude, it's not a feeling I'd like to experience again.

When I got to the bathroom, I suddenly had the horrible urge to just hurl into the toilet. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I can't be late to school today! There's this horrible exam person coming, but if he likes your performance he'll move you up to the advanced level. I have to get into that level!

Somehow I get myself dressed, though I feel like I'm in a desert and I'm going to burn up in my clothes, and drag myself downstairs. Mom's making breakfast and she hardly glances at me as I slump onto the tabletop.

"Mom," I said, or whined, "I have a headache."

"That's your problem," She snapped. I didn't know what was wrong with her, but I assumed she knew my problem was ok and that it was normal to feel like I was going to be dried alive.

I attempted to eat my rice-porridge, but the smell itself made me feel sick. I kept poking my food and Mom finally exploded and shouted at me that if I didn't appreciate her food than go outside and try to fend for yourself or something, I don't know I wasn't really listening.

Then, Dad finally came downstairs, tying his robe back. He took one look at me and said, "Get yourself back in bed."

Somehow I make it into my futon and after some fussing and tests, Dad announced that I had a 101 degree fever and was in no condition to go to school today.

Funny, the only thing I was thinking of when he said that was _nooooo I won't make it into the advanced program!_

**November 12th**

We got the results back today and I made it! You see, since I was absent on the fifth, the ninja-sensei let me retake the test alongside the younger group on the eighth. But that aside, I passed! I made it in! Advanced doesn't mean you get put in a different class. Just that after normal school I get to spend time with an elite ninja that'll show me all these cool techniques I can use! Of course, Dad thinks it's a waste of time, since he's probably stronger than any 'elite ninja' they could give me, but then I told him not to ruin my day, I'm happy for once.

Of course, we got into an argument about that, which he won, by the way, and I ended up grounded for two days. But… oh well! I'm still happy! I passed!

**November 15th**

WOAH I JUST FOUND OUT WHO MY ADVANCED SENSEI IS!

Kizune's mom! Or, Uzamaki-san! Or, Naruto-sensei!

One word.

E. CEN. TRIC.

ECCENTRIC!

He's totally _MAD IN THE HEAD!_ I mean, we had to sing this stupid rabbit song for an hour hopping around a field while he talked nonstop about weird things like Kizune's first word and how she finally learned to poop in the toilet when she was three and all this wacky things I didn't want to know about Kizune. Of course, I guess there was a big lesson behind this all, but _seriously_. THIS MAN IS CRAZY!

And they say _this_ nin is going to be the next Hokage?

Give me a break!

**November 20th**

I TAKE IT BACK I TAKE IT BACK! Naruto-sensei is an AWESOME, FLAWLESS NINJA who is _the_ Food God of Konoha! He is awesome, sexy and extremely young looking for his age! _If I was a girl I'd go out with him!_

**November 22nd**

If you were wondering what that was all about on Thursday NARUTO-SENSEI MADE ME WRITE THAT SWEAR TO GOD! I mean, seriously!

Plus, Dad was looking at my diary again, because he threatened to ground me forever if I told a _soul_ about that drinking incident, but it's not like he'll follow through.

More blackmail against Dad!

**December 3rd**

I'm really inconsistent with my entries, right? Argh, makes me crazy. Writing a diary, and all. I mean, I'm a guy! I'm not supposed to have a diary!

But I'm kind of excited, I finally bought a lock and key for my diary! Now Dad can't read it, because I'm keeping the key on a necklace around my neck so he can't get it.

Beat that, Dad!

--

Author's Notes: Shorter I know. Are you people smart enough to figure out who's kid is who? Let's see… (bwahahaha!) R/R? PLEASE!


	3. Data Journal: Page 1

_The Sacred Forest Whispers_

+--------------------------------+

By Flight

+--------------------------------+

Disclaimer: Dude if I wrote this, why would it be on ffnet! Anyways, Naruto does not belong to me blah blah blah but THIS STORY DOES! TAKE THIS STORY AND YOU **DIE! **Thank you.

+-----------------------------------------------------+

**The Pain of an Ant**

_By Aburame Daisuke _

_(The scene opens with a cheerful grassy background. The birds are chirping, the bees are buzzing, and the ants are all getting to work.)_

Bugsy: Man, this is hard work.

Mila: Better get to it, Bugsy, or else the Boss will get mad.

Bugsy: You know, have you ever imaged life outside the hill?

Mila: (snaps) don't talk of that or you'll be put in jail! (She hurries off)

Bugsy: You know, (he's talking to himself) I've always felt like there was something in me that was _not quite ant_. I can't explain it.

_(He starts singing the 'Over the Rainbow song'. This part has been cut out for your convenience)_

Bugsy: (drops all his wood) I know! I'll run away and become a city ant! (He scurries away from the other ants and walks out of the grass) Mm, what's this place? Ooh, this place is all war—

_(SPLAT)_

_(…and so ends the life of Bugsy the ant)_

**The End**

_+------------------+_

The wind brushed the edge of my face suggestively, pulling my sort of dirty golden locks down from behind my ear into my eyes. I blinked, irritated.

"…Ow…"

It was a rather fine day to be out; the sun was shining bright enough for it be warm while the breeze kept the heat at bay. I was barefoot, in the grass, while Daike had his tanned calves stuck halfway into the freezing running stream. He'd rolled up his jeans so they were a little above his knees, pushed up his glasses so his full and dark black eyes could be shyly seen from behind his golden bangs, and in his left hand was a small, almost transparent, fishing net. He stood poised above the water, totally immobile. I watched, amused, from my position in the grass, my arms crossed.

"One… two… three… HYAH!" He pounced on an innocent looking minnow, which hopped up in the air once and shimmered away as quickly as it had been seen. Daike threw the net back onto land and pouted. "Argh! That's got to be the tenth one that got away!"

"Twelfth."

"Oh, just shut up!"

In class, we were almost inseparable and almost impossible to tell apart. But, when we were alone on days like this, our unique personalities seemed to surface up in obvious and rather blatant ways. Daike is a much more open person then I am, but that is possibly due to the fact that he keeps a much lower amount of bugs in his body than I do and goes out on Thursdays every week to eat Oden with his friends in some restaurant somewhere. He laughs and smiles a lot, especially in situations like this, and isn't that afraid to talk to people.

I, on the other hand, find myself cold, silent, and altogether not-get-along-able. I'm often hidden in Daike's shadow most of the time, and until recently I haven't really cared all that much.

But ever since we've been placed into three-man genin cells, I found it hard to not grow fond of my teammates. Kizune's sort of stoic, but amusing and weird at the same time. I have to admit; when I first met her face-to-face I had a full-out crush on her for the _longest_ time. It wasn't until last year that I realized that she only thought of me as a friend and I really only thought of her as a friend, and that the prospect of me and her getting together were null to zero. Of course, Taka doesn't know I've gotten over my crush, and he still glares at me from the corner of his eye, like he's saying 'I'm watching you' or something.

I think Taka's kind of cute.

He used to have standard Hyuuga hair, which flowed to a little below his shoulders, but then he seemed to have gotten bored of the style and just hacked it off one day. Now his hair falls just a little below his ear, but it's still as chocolate-colored as ever. I want to eat his hair sometimes.

I tell this to Daike, who just turns around and looks at me funny. Hey, there's as limit to what a twin could understand about his other, right?

I'm thinking this while Daike's finally waded out of the stream, dirt all over his feet and probably in-between his toes, yelling at me even though I'm only two feet away, "Hey Daisuke, Auntie wants us to go inside to get some cider! Do you want some cider?"

I growl at him, but he just ignores me and, hands pulling up his now-muddy pants, waddles onto the hill. I stifle a laugh and follow him

_+------------------+_

**Cell 3**

_Profile Reports by Aburame Daisuke_

_Jounin Instructor:_

**Name**_ Nara Shikamaru_

**Nicknames**: _Shika-sensei_

**Age:** _He won't tell us, but because he's the same age as Kizune's mom, he's around thirty-seven._

**Birthday: **_I have no clue_

**Height:**_ 5' 8"_

**Hair:** _Dark, dark brown, a little tinged with gray (even if he won't admit it)_

**Eyes:** _Black_

**Married:** _Yes, to Yamanaka Ino. All I know is she's loud and kind of bossy and doesn't seem to like me much, like I'm going to infest her with bugs if she touches me or something. _

**Kids:** _Kuniwara. They're alike, but not alike at the same time. Kuniwara's a pretty easy-going guy, though I think he thrives on competition. His hair is extremely pale, almost white, and hangs ragged a little below his chin. He likes to zone out in class, but I've never actually seen him fall asleep on his desk, though I know he likes sleeping everywhere else—his bed, his table, the bench, my feet…_

**Personality:** _Shika-sensei seems pretty lazy and easy-going at first, but he's actually pretty strict. We start out our day with fifty push-ups, eighty curl-ups, kunai and shuriken throwing, then some activity that Shika-sensei planned for us beforehand. It's just when it gets to sparring that he starts falling asleep. _

**Other:** _He used to part of the ANBU, but was taken out to start training cells. I know that Naruto-san had escaped this fate by giving the Hokage the excuse that he had too many responsibilities to take care of three more brats (he's kind of right, I'd be kind of tired out picking up after Kizune and Gaara all day…) Note: This was before Naruto-san was promoted_

_Teammates_

**Name**_ Sabaku no Kizune_

**Nicknames**: _Kittling_

**Age:** _13_

**Birthday: **_June 4_

**Height: **_5' 3"_

**Hair:** _A rich, sun-kissed blonde color that splashes down beneath her shoulders, her hair is probably one of her best features. I heard Taka saying she never cuts it, and I just might believe him. It's totally straight too, except for the right half of her bangs—it's sort of puffed up and, when bending down, it totally covers her right eye._

**Eyes: **_Sort of pale, emerald-like green. A little darker then Gaara's green and a little less crystalline then Naruto's blue._

**Mother:** _Uzamaki Naruto, current Hokage, wonderful cook, totally insane. He's lean, strong, and still young and pretty. I don't totally understand myself, but something about how the demon keeps him from aging beyond twenty, or something like that, so he looks really young still. I doubted his abilities before, but now, I'm glad to say, even though he's still pretty crazy, insane, and totally out of wack, he's an awesome ninja. That's all I'm going to say._

**Father:** _Sometimes I wonder who's more insane: Easy-going, ecstatic, spasmodic Naruto, or cold, heartless, homicidal Gaara. After thinking about it after a while, the whole cell seems to agree that Naruto is definitely the scarier one of the bunch. But Gaara's not one to mess with either. He's pretty decent, though; if you don't tick him off too badly. Or at all, if you want to be safe. He's got a big soft spot for triangular cut watercress sandwiches with a hole cut out of the middle. Don't ask why he likes it with a hole cut out of the middle, even Naruto-san doesn't even know. He's an ok Kazekage, though he has a habit of either ditching his work altogether and causing his secretaries to have a heart-attack or staying up till 5 AM in the morning working on it then suddenly falling asleep flat on his face onto his work. There was a rumor that he didn't sleep at all when he was little, but now since Naruto's around he could sleep in all he liked. I don't know why. I need to do a little more investigating._

**Siblings: **_NONE. I cannot imagine Naruto and Gaara having another kid. No. Way. Besides, it was an arranged marriage in the first place, its not like they're willing to have another kid just for the fun of it (since the first time was due to some universal problem that would've caused all existence as we know it to collapse and all this other scientific stuff that doesn't seem to make much sense…)_

**Personality:** _Kizune's like this most of time: She's really warm and funny when she's with her friends (Michiru, Lana, and Kourochi) but she gets all cold and stony when she meets someone new. She's kind of quirky, in a way, because she's got a temper like the devil herself but almost never shows it most of the time. She's never killed a ninja in her life._

**Other:** _She feels like she's responsible for her parent's arguments, though in my opinion Naruto and Gaara are the world's most perfect lovey-dovey parents compared to Taka's mom and dad, so I don't know what she's worried about. Besides, the fights they get into (with Naruto leading most of the fights) are normal old-married-couple related things (if you count fighting over why Gaara had just murdered that ninja on the kitchen table and how Naruto had cleaned it _just Yesterday_ and that he wants Gaara to drag the body downstairs so it can decompose with the others normal) and it isn't Kizune's fault. But she doesn't really listen to me all that much anymore, so she just totally ignores me anyway._

**Name**_ Hyuuga Taka_

**Nicknames**: _None that I can think of_

**Age:** _13_

**Birthday: **_November 29_

**Height: **_5' 4"_

**Hair:** _His hair's short, cut a little below his earlobe. It's this dark, swirly shade of milk chocolate that sort of rises up and down every time he walks. I would even say that it wasn't exactly very Asian-like hair, as it was more in little locks than all straight and thin, but I think it's cuter that way. Shit, Daike saw what I wrote and he's trying to strangle me right now for thinking about another boy that way… Daike, get OFF…_

**Eyes: **_Dark brown, though light enough that it sort of sparkles in the light. No more comments beyond that. NOTE: He doesn't have the Byakugen_

**Mother:** _Tenten. I don't really know her last name. She's just… Tenten. She has her hair all tied up in one bun, always looks sort of thin-lipped and angry all the time, and she likes shouting at people. Well, she does when Neji-san's around, at least, which was often. I'm sorry to say this Taka, but I think its best for your parents to split up._

**Father:** _I like Neji-san better than Tenten. Most people view Neji-san as a cold, arrogant bastard that's both sexist and racist and hates anything that doesn't follow tradition. Ok, so maybe their half right. He _is_ cold and kind of sexist, but he's not arrogant and I've never seen him be racist before. He acts all high and mighty in public sometimes, but that's because he's got a reputation to keep as the captain of the Elite ANBU (even though now he's pregnant that reputation might go down the drain). He fusses over his kids like a mother hen, though, and it's kind of creepy the first time. _

**Siblings: **_One. Er, two, I guess, if you count his dad being pregnant, but it's an unborn kid so I can't say much about that. He has a little five-year old sister named Miki (short for Tamiki) who Tenten loves to pamper. She _is_ kind of cute and all, with her hair tied into two warm brown pigtails that curl inward in this soft, bouncy fashion that look so _adorable! _According to my mom, by the way. Taka swears she is the devil, with all her temper-tantrums, wicked smiles, and evil plans she cracks up to solely trip up her older brother and ruin his life forever. I think she's how all little kids are at this age: obnoxious, crazy, and downright mean, and that the only reason Taka feels so iffy about her is probably because she's got the Byakugen and he doesn't, but don't tell him I said that…_

**Personality:** _He tries to act all punk and mean, but, face it Taka, you are the worlds' _nicest, kindest, and neatest_ boy I have ever met. And he complains that Neji's too neat. In my opinion, it's like Father like son. Seriously. If Taka had the Byakugen and hadn't cut his hair he would probably look _exactly _like his father. He's kind of arrogant when he meets someone he can't stand, he's an expert at staring-people-down, and he _hates_ messes. Also, he gets really ticked off by stupidity. If he caught someone doing something that is downright dumb, he'd probably go overboard and declare war on the guy or something. Also, I quote him he 'believes that fate may not always poke a stick into your side, but it doesn't mean its not there'. Or something. I don't really know what he means. He confuses me when he says stuff like that. _

**Other:** _He was always kind of segregated from the other Hyuuga kids, since he doesn't have the Byakugen and all. The only one that seemed to still love-him-anyways was probably Neji-san, even if he was a more of an aggressive type (come on, he's a guy, he can't just go all lovey-dovey on him). That's why even if his dad's pregnant; I believe that Taka would stand up for his father, no matter what happened. I can't say the same thing for his mother though…_

_Report Ended. _

_Signing off…._

_+------------------+_

_I got a phone call from Kizune today. It went something like this:  
_

Kizune: Dai-chan!

Me: Hm, Kizune… (I was still in bed, and Daike was covering his ears with his pillow, trying hard not to wake up)

Kizune: How's your vacation?

Me: Fine, until _you_ interrupted.

Kizune: Har, har, har. _Very_ funny, Aburame. Just you wait, when you come back I've got a surprise for you.

Me!

Kizune: Do you notice the screaming noises from behind me?

Me: Yeah, sort of (there's this weird screeching noise—sounds like someone's talking but its too far away for me to hear the words clearly)

Kizune: If you're wondering what's that all about, last night at about three in the morning Mom caught a ninja spying on me from my window. Actually, Mom was more like 'scream and wake up Dad who's going to frickin' kill him for waking him up from his beauty sleep!' Anyways, Mom and Dad fought for about two hours until Mom was so worn out he just flopped onto the (red) couch and just fell asleep, snoring. And since Dad couldn't sleep without Mom in the same room and still be completely sane, he was forced to either sleep on the table, the ground, or on the couch huddled up with Mom. He chose the table at first, but then he decided to move in with Mom.

Me: Er, and how do you know this stuff?

Kizune: Well, I watched them the whole time (cue in evil smile; I can't see, but I can totally imagine the edges of her lips curling upwards) and recorded it onto a video disk.

Me: Um… why?

Kizune: Because I'm making a 'Why Mom and Dad like each other and stay together' scrap book to give to them on their anniversary.

Me: ….?

Kizune: (sighs) Ok, ok, it was my Aunt Temari's idea, ok? She said it'd 'reassure me' of their marriage if I just looked at all the good aspects of their fighting and stuff. She said if I paid attention more I can see how much my parents love (gag, choke, choke) each other I'd feel better.

Me: Well, at least they're better than Taka's parents.

Kizune: Oh, don't get me started.

Daike: Daisuke, just hang up, I'm trying to go to sleep?

Kizune: Hey, let me talk to him.

(I hold the phone up to Daike's ear)

Kizune: MORNING DAI-KUN!

(Daike lifts his head up, eyes red)

Daike: I'M GOING TO FRICKIN' KILL YOU SABAKU WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP AT THIS HOUR IN THE MORNING?

(I retrieve the phone and put it up to my ear. Kizune's laughing her butt off, and she's probably rolling around on the floor somewhere)

Kizune: Oh. My. Gosh. _I've always wanted to do that_!

Me: Great, now you've gotten my twin mad at me. What else do you want to tell me?

Kizune: I saw Taka naked!

Me: O-O! Wha—

(Kizune hangs up)

Me: … ARGH!

Daike: SHUT UP!

_Thus ended my conversation at four o'clock in the morning…_

_+------------------+_

To: Auntie

From: Daisuke

THERE IS NO MORE MILK IN THE REFRIGERATOR! WE (DAIKE AND I) WENT TO BUY SOME MORE! THEN WE'RE GOING OVER OUR FRIEND'S HOUSE, THE PHONE NUMBER IS TAPED BELOW! DON'T BOTHER TO PICK US UP, WE'LL WALK HOME! NEVER MIND IT'S A THREE MILE WALK, WE'RE NINJAS! SEE YOU LATER!

To: Auntie

From: Daisuke

Hey sorry, I was I really rushed last time so the note came out in all caps (since my computer was on caps lock). We got home and you STILL weren't here, so I wanted to correct myself before you got back. We got some milk, and Daike even bought some cereal! It's not the kind you like though. Hope you come back soon! (Now we're going to the park to play a game called 'soccer'. You just kick this ball around, I don't think any of us would be seriously hurt by this).

To: Auntie

From: Daisuke

DAIKE'S DEAD DAIKE'S DEAD DAIKE'S DEAD DAIKE'S DEAD DAIKE'S DEAD DAIKE'S DEAD DAIKE'S DEAD DAIKE'S DEAD DAIKE'S DEAD DAIKE'S DEAD DAIKE'S DEAD DAIKE'S DEAD DAIKE'S DEAD DAIKE'S DEAD DAIKE'S DEAD DAIKE'S DEAD DAIKE'S DEAD DAIKE'S DEAD

To: Auntie

From: Daisuke

HE LIVES! We were playing soccer and Daike got whammed in the head really hard by the ball. His sunglasses cracked and everything and there was blood everywhere. I was kind of freaking out, sorry to bother you.

To: Auntie

From: Daisuke

WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET HOME!

To: Daisuke-kun

From: Your Dear Auntie

Had it ever occurred to you that I am home? You've been sending messages to me even though I came home yesterday! I'm in my room!

To: Auntie

From: Daisuke

Oops, sorry, I missed you. We actually searched all over the house for you, and when we even looked for you in your room, where you said you were. Sorry we didn't find you until three hours later. I thought you were the rug.

_+------------------+_

**Dear Hyuuga Taka,**

_I don't know how to exactly say this, but I think I am in love with you._

(Too blunt. Scratch that.)

**Dear Taka-kun,**

_I don't know, but every time I look at you I feel my heart beating faster._

(NO! Too cheesy. Throw it in the waste basket)

**Dear wonderful Hyuuga god,**

_Your eyes are deep and wide, like two dark pools of milky chocolate. It doesn't matter that it is not white or blank; I love you for what you really are inside, for that thumping beating heart within you that screams sincerity and kindness, that makes my own cheeks turn red with love for you…_

(Ew… too poetic. Next…)

**To Taka:**

_I like you. I can't think of any way else to say it. I really, really, like you. I might even love you. I'm too scared to tell you who I am, so I'm just going to tell you this. We grew up together, went to the same school together, and even know each other to the day. I just wanted to let you know my feelings, so I won't have to keep it bottled up anymore. _

**From: Your Anonymous Admirer**

_P.S. I really like your hair cut. Your hair's so dark and silky it makes me want to eat it. Because it looks like chocolate. Tee-hee._

_+------------------+_

Authors Note: REVIEW! (Pounces on the single review) THANK YOU! I included some profiles here under Daisuke's musings, so I hope it's easier for some of you! PLEASE OTHER PEOPLE R/R IT GIVES ME MOTIVATION TO WRITE!


	4. System 10 2CB

_The Sacred Forest Whispers_

+--------------------------------+

By Flight

+--------------------------------+

Disclaimer: Dude if I wrote this, why would it be on Anyways, Naruto does not belong to me blah blah blah but THIS STORY DOES! TAKE THIS STORY AND YOU **DIE! **Thank you.

+-----------------------------------------------------+

_**System 10-2CB**_

_Designed by Uzamaki Naruto_

_Tapping System_

_Phone # (457)-345-9005_

_(beep)_

_(beep)_

_(beep)_

'_Shit does this thing work?'_

_(beep)_

_(beeeeeeeeep)_

_-Naruto, what are you doing?-  
'AAH!'_

_-What is it?-_

'_Shut up!'_

_-Naruto, why are you tapping into Kizune's phone line?-  
'I'm her mother! She might be calling someone who is potentially dangerous and might possibly want to stalk her!'_

_-Like who? That Hyuuga kid?-_

'_S-shut up!'_

_-Whatever.-_

'_There, done! Now, stop bothering me!-_

"_Mom?"_

'_SHIT! GAARA RUN!'_

_(beep)_

_(beep)_

_(beeeeeeeeep)_

_+------------------+_

_Date: October 30th_

_**Caller ID: Moriwana Lana**_

Kizune: Hello?

Lana: Kizune! Tomorrow's Halloween!

Kizune: Yes, I am aware.

Lana: Want to go trick-or-treating with the other girls?

Kizune: Oh, sorry, I already promised Taka that I'd go trick-or-treating with him, plus I already invited the Aburame twins…

Lana: …

Kizune: Are you ok?

Lana: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You are leaving us behind!

Kizune: What! What are you talking about?

Lana: You, who have already entered puberty!

Kizune: Er, what!

Lana: Why else would you want to hang around with three _troublesome and horribly stupid_ men instead of your best gals?

Kizune: Lana, relax! It's just one Halloween night ok?

Naruto: (in the background) Kittling, Dinner!

Lana: You are wandering astray!

Kizune: Look, I got to go to dinner, ok? I'll call you back later.

Lana: Promise?

Kizune: (sighs) Ok, ok, promise…

_**Caller ID: The Fifth Kazekage**_

Kizune: Um… hello?

Kourochi: Yo.

Kizune: Kou, what are you doing?

Kourochi: Aunty wants to talk to you.

Kizune: …

Kourochi: …

Kizune: …hello?

Kourochi: Yo.

Kizune: I thought you said Aunty wanted to talk to me!

Kourochi: She does. I'm just not giving her the phone.

Kizune: Are you purposely trying to get me mad?

Kourochi: Nope.

Kizune: …

Kourochi: Hey, what's with your boyfriend?

Kizune: Oy, what's up with your girlfriend?

Kourochi: Hey, no fair.

Kizune: It is too fair. Besides, I don't have a boyfriend.

Kourochi: I thought you were going out with that Aburame guy.

Kizune: Nope.

Kourochi: I've been having a bunch of bad luck with girls lately. There was that one girl, Pan, I got her pissed off somehow and she told the school board that I cheated on the final exams, but then they didn't believe her.

Kizune: She sounds like a bitch.

Kourochi: Talk about it. But now I don't have anyone to dance with at the Suna Dance.

Kizune: There's a dance in Suna?

Kourochi: First Annual Dance.

Kizune: Ah… Dad's making up a bunch of weird new laws, right?

Kourochi: I don't know how he gets away with it.

Kizune: (imitating) 'What? You don't like my dance idea? DESERT COFFIN!'

Kourochi: (snort) You sound exactly like Uncle Gaara.

Kizune: Why, thank you.

Kourochi: But I still don't have anyone to dance with.

Kizune: What do you want me to do about it?

Kourochi: Will you go to the dance with me?

Kizune: EW! No! One, I am your cousin. Two, you live in Suna, I live in Konoha. Three, I'm still in Ninja Academy and you have to be at least Genin to attend!

Kourochi: Ok, ok, you got me.

Kizune: Why did you even ask?

Kourochi: Well, it was worth a shot.

Naruto: KIZUNE! ARE YOU DOING YOUR HOMEWORK?

Kizune: (covering phone) I finished two hours ago!

Naruto: WHAT ABOUT STUDYING! DID YOU STUDY?

Kizune: _No, Mom, the TEST IS IN A MONTH!_

Naruto: DOESN'T HURT TO STUDY!

Kizune: Mom, you're insane!

Gaara: Listen to your mother, Kittling.

Kizune: Alright, alright, fine.

Naruto: (starting to get pissed) WHAT, SO YOU LISTEN TO YOUR FATHER BUT NOT ME?

Kizune: Well…

Gaara: It's because I'm more comprehensible and sensible then you are.

Naruto: ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A FIGHT?

Kizune: Er, I'll call you back later.

Kourochi: No prob. And Aunty wants to say she's making you a costume! She'll ship it this evening; you'll get it tomorrow morning.

Kizune: O-O? Oh… well… I guess that's nice of her…

Gaara: Hm…

Naruto: ANSWER ME LIKE A MAN SABAKU!

Kizune: Argh…

_**Caller ID: Inuzuka Kiba**_

Kizune: How many people can call me in one day?

Kaede: I CHALLENGE YOU TO A MATCH!

Kizune: What? Who is this?

Kaede: How dare you question my existence? Tomorrow at approximately four, I challenge you to a one on one ninja duel, with my sensei as the judge! I will expect the best from you, Sabaku no Kizune. The best!

Kizune: Er… four? But… trick or treating…

Kaede: Huh?

Kizune: I don't who you are, but I just want to inform you that tomorrow is Halloween, so I won't be able to come. Sorry.

Kaede: WHAT? ARE YOU—

Kizune: (hangs up)

_**Caller ID: The Fifth Kazekage**_

Kizune: _What, _Kou?

Silence: …

Kizune: …? Who is it?

Silence: …la, la, la…

Kizune: What the heck?

Hatori: Kizu-chan!

Kizune: Hatori, is that you?

Hatori: Hai!

Kizune: How did you get on the phone?

Hatori: Dunno. 'Tori touch button an' boom! Kizu-chan!

Kizune: Why were playing with the phone anyways?

Hatori: Phone tastes good.

Kizune: O-O…

Hatori: Kizu-chan next time come visit, bring candy!

Kizune: Why?

Hatori: Because there's no candy here.

Kizune: Get Aunty to buy some for you.

Hatori: No, 'cause Momma only likes to buy fishy candy and fishy candy no good, 'Tori don't like!

Kizune: Hatori, you're my cousin and all and I love you but can you please call me tomorrow? It's, like, almost midnight here.

Hatori: Waaaaah? But 'Tori no sleepy at all!

Kourochi: (background) Hatori? What the frick' are you doing on the phone?

Hatori: Kou-chan, Ohayo!

Kourochi: (takes the phone) Oy, Kizune, sorry about that. Stupid cousin being stupid again.

Kizune: Talk about it.

Hatori: 'TORI NO STUPID!

Kourochi: _Good Night_.

_+------------------+_

_Date: October 31st_

_**Caller ID: The Fifth Kazekage**_

Kizune: _What! _Why do you people keep calling me! Dad's going to get mad; do you know how much long-distance calls _cost_?

Temari: Kizune, I have no time for your foolishness.

Kizune: (snaps to attention) Aunty!

Temari: Is Gaara there now?

Kizune: Nope.

Temari: Then why do I hear his voice in the background?

Kizune: Well… he's here… but he's not here…

Temari: Is he physically there?

Kizune: Yup.

Temari: Can I talk to him?

Kizune: Nope.

Temari: Let me guess; he got Naruto pissed off at him again and Naruto hit him one time too many?

Kizune: Yup. He's lying on the floor, gurgling. Mom put some poison in his drink.

Temari: Really?

Kizune: Really.

Temari: Was it funny to watch?

Kizune: Yeah. Dad took a swig from his tea, then his face turned purple, and then he turned over. His last words before dissolving into unconsciousness was '…those strawberries were mine…'

Temari: (laughing) Woah, that's pretty extreme!

Kizune: Yeah, and Mom was cackling as he watched. It was his revenge for Dad treading sand all over the house.

Temari: Naruto must have pretty mad at that.

Kizune: Talk about it. Do you want me to leave him a message for you when he wakes up?

Temari: Sure, tell him I'm sending a special nin to Konoha to talk to him about some important matters.

Kizune: If it's so important, shouldn't he already know by now?

Temari: He's been shirking duties again.

Kizune: Aah…

Naruto: Kittling, help me drag Gaara upstairs! He's drooling all over the carpet!

Temari: Put me on speaker phone.

(_Kizune puts Temari on speaker phone_)

Temari: Yeah, Gaara, I bet that carpet cost more than a hundred thousand bucks-- get a move on!

Gaara: …gurgle…

Naruto: Temari stay out of this!

Kizune: Hanging up now…

**_Caller ID: Haruno Sakura_**

Kizune: Moshi Moshi?

Sakura: Kizune, remember to buy pads!

Kizune: Aunt Sakura!

Sakura: It's _that time of the month_.

Kizune: Relax, I've already stocked up.

Sakura: No, you didn't, because Kaede just called me to say that Fu ate them all.

Kizune: WHAT?

Sakura: Fu ate up all your pads.

Kizune: Ok, that is just really disturbing. Gross!

Sakura: So you've got to get more pads, and hide them in a better place this time.

Kizune: Ok, ok. Wait, why was Kaede's dog in my house? Stupid dogs!

Sakura: Don't ask me. Oh, and tell Naruto to get his ass up to work, he's been shirking.

Kizune: That's weird. Dad's been shirking work too.

Sakura: What, are they planning to elope or something?

Kizune: Aunt Sakura, they're already married.

Sakura: Desperate Housewives!

Kizune: What?

Sakura: Nothing. Anyways, remember!

Kizune: Ok, ok…

_**Caller ID: Moriwana Lana**_

Kizune: Hel—

Lana: Kizune, you bitch!

Kizune: O-O? Ok, what the heck did I do to you?

Lana: You said you'd call me back yesterday!

Kizune: Is that all your mad about?

Lana: No! I _know_ what you've been up to!

Kizune: What? What am I up to?

Lana: You're dating Taka!

Kizune: WHAT!

Lana: It all makes sense! Who do hang out at recess instead of us? Taka! Who do you talk to when you're in a bad mood? Taka! Who do you smile and laugh around? TAKA! YOU'VE BEEN DATING TAKA ALL THIS TIME AND YOU DIDN'T TELL US?

Kizune: I am _not_ dating Taka!

Lana: You are!

Kizune: I am not!

Lana: Then why did Michiru see you two holding hands this morning?

Kizune: I have no idea what you're talking about. Number one, I was stuck in this house all day. Number two, you know better than to trust what Michiru says! For all you know, she may have been hallucinating! And Number three, _I only think of Taka as a friend_ ok?

Lana: Then who do you like?

Kizune: Why do I have to like someone? You sound like Kou.

Lana: Hey, you talk about this 'Kou' person a lot. Is he your boyfriend?

Kizune: NO, HE'S MY COUSIN!

Lana: So?

Kizune: …

_**Caller ID: Hyuuga Neji**_

Kizune: Hey, Taka.

Taka: How'd you know it was me?

Kizune: We've got caller ID.

Taka: Oh yeah. I forgot about those things.

Kizune: What do you want to talk about?

Taka: I'm at the costume shop right now and I don't know what I'm going to dress up as. What are you going as?

Kizune: An angel. My Aunty sent the costume to me this morning.

Taka: Ok… what about a 'Devil-Angel' theme? Is that ok?

Kizune: It's a little cheesy. And you're too nice to be a devil anyways.

Taka: _Am not!_ I'm not that nice!

Kizune: Face the facts.

Taka: Argh!

Kizune: And besides, the Aburame twins are going with us too.

Taka: What? Why'd you invite them?

Kizune: Because they're my friends?

Taka: Kizune! You know I can't _stand_ them!

Kizune: You liar.

Taka: I do not lie! I hate them! They're either too quiet or too loud! Plus, they're really obnoxious.

Kizune: Look, you've got to look at more than the outside, ok? They're good people.

Taka: B-but…

Kizune: Please Taka? For me?

Taka: …ok…

Kizune: Alright!

Taka: I still need to pick out my costume!

Kizune: Right, right… alright… let's see… you could be… another angel, like me!

Taka: Or maybe I can be a ninja!

Kizune: Er, you are ninja.

Taka: Yep! Get it, get it?

Kizune: That's the lamest joke ever.

Taka: Argh! Be that way! Anyways, I'll think of something. Dad's getting pissed at me 'cause I'm talking too long on the cell and his company contract says he has to pay a quarter for every minute or something… so… Bye!

Kizune: Ja!

_+------------------+_

_**Caller ID: Uzamaki Naruto**_

Kizune: Cool, I'm calling myself.

Kizune: Ok, so this is going to be like my phone-diary. I know Taka keeps a paper diary and Daisuke types his 'diary' (more like data files) online, so I came up with a genius way to keep my diary safe! I'm just going to record it on the phone! Brilliant, eh?

Kizune: Ok, so first things first. Today is November 1st. The past two days have been pretty hectic—people seem to like to call me…

Kizune: Several things happened: Fu ate my pads, Kaede tried to challenge me to a battle, Hatori was eating the phone cord again and Kou was being stupid. Oh, and Lana kept on yelling at me for dating Taka _which I am not doing_ when it's Taka that actually 'likes' me. He doesn't like me like that at all, actually, but he thinks he does. I can see who he really likes.

Kizune: Mom and Dad are downstairs packing now, since we're leaving for Suna tomorrow (which means people can't call me on this phone). We go to Suna every month for about a week, and I get to see my Aunty Temari and her husband, Yuki, my Uncle Kankuro and his (stupid, obnoxious, drunk) bitch of a wife (who I purposely forget her name) and his four kids (I've heard from Dad that his wife has another one coming! How many times can he do it with his wife?). His four kids names are Kourochi, fourteen, Naito, eleven, Mamoru, eight, and Bao, five. Oops, I forgot Hatori. She's Aunty's kid and she's the most annoying thing ever (she's two). She follows me around everywhere. GO AWAY!

Kizune: I was just wondering, why is our caller ID 'Uzamaki Naruto'? Shouldn't it be 'Sabaku no Naruto'? Or maybe, 'Toshinada Naruto'? Of course, Dad wouldn't like that last one, but I think its funny how Mom still uses her maiden name. Heh.

Kizune: I can't wait till I become a Genin! It's only October, though, _but after completing this course we can become ninjas!_ Being a ninja is pretty cool, but hectic. I wonder who my three-men cell's going to consist of. I don't really hope to be paired up with a specific person, but I know I _don't_ want to be put with Inuzuka Kaede and her crazy pad-eating dog Fu, Kuniwara because he seems to hate me, or Ioku, because he's fat. But, I have no choice over the matter, and I'm praying to Taka's so-called 'gods' to be merciful on me and not put me with them!

Naruto: Kittling! What are you doing? Come down here and help us pack!

Kizune: Ok, ok, I just can't find my shampoo!

Gaara: I ate it. Now come down and help me.

Kizune: You're such a liar, Dad! You can't eat shampoo and live!

Gaara: I'm a demon remember. We can go through things that human's can't.

Kizune: O-O? Ok, whatever… end of Diary Entry 1.

_+------------------+_

Author's Notes: I appreciate the reviews! Lol it's only two, but that's more than I hoped for. /Hands out cookies to the reviews/ hey, if anyone doesn't understand the Japanese, here it is:

Moshi Moshi: hello? (on the phone)

Ohayo: hi! (normal)

Ja: Good bye (actually, it's supposed to Ja ne, but oh well)

Hai: yes

Thanks for reading!


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